shell bill
Ever heard of a “shell bill”?
It’s not a fancy oyster. It’s how Illinois lawmakers say, “Surprise, motherf***!”
Shoutout to Spencer Davis at Fox News Media Illinois for breaking it down:
https://lnkd.in/gcUmcrb4
See, Fox Illinois ran a piece about this magical legislative trick where a bill walks in wearing pajamas, and halfway through it’s in a three-piece suit screaming about tax hikes, surveillance, or suddenly regulating how you homeschool your kid.
Totally normal. Definitely not sketchy.
Let’s talk receipts:
HB2827 walked in saying “Just checking homeschool forms!” Then bam, portfolio reviews, annual declarations, diploma checks, mandatory immunizations, and government hands all up in your kitchen table curriculum. I wonder if this is how Elmo felt like?
HB3518? Titled “Keeping Sex Workers Safe” (cool), then slides in expungement rules and new law enforcement limits. You support one part, and suddenly you’re testifying on ten.
SB2217 says “Let’s make townships more efficient!” By the end, you’re voting on asset redistributions and municipal dissolutions like you’re playing SimCity on crack. Let’s play monopoly that’s such a friendly family game… didn’t I just discuss someone else playing monopoly? Hmm let me listen to the recordings…
HB1333? A simple repeal of an act. Now it’s rewriting definitions of “viability” and triggering debates that make Thanksgiving dinners go nuclear. Can we stop destroying families over politics so you can pad your PACs?
They don’t debate. They mutate.
One minute it’s a bill about farm animals, and next thing you know it’s got a rider on AI surveillance in your toaster.
And y’all still think I’m the problem? I’m just warming up… got some great things coming.
Nah. I’m just the loud one pointing at the magician yelling, “HEY! He’s palming the f*ckin’ card!”
Welcome to Illinois. Where the bills shapeshift, the amendments slip in smoother than a DM at 2am, and nobody reads past the first paragraph unless they’re like me… F'nAround with intent.
Tag your policy wonk friend who needs a drink after reading this.
Tag your lawyer who missed that amendment line and now has trust issues.
Tag your rep and ask them what the hell they just voted on.
The rabbit ain’t in the hat, folks. It’s in your pocket stealing your rights. And we’re F'nAround to ruin the magic trick at fnaround.com